India’s Dire Need – Regulations for Organised Riots

So this morning with my tea, I took another dose of depressing news. Some guy was beaten up because of alleged buffalo slaughtering, and that too in full view of the police.

I am not someone who has the courage to go a state like UP to verify the claims of the report, therefore I have no options but to trust the news source. Anyway, who cares if the news is true or not? Even rumours cause substantial damage.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t see any way of talking some sense into these cow-vigilantes. I’d rather take up a project to teach Calculus to monkeys in Shimla, if the government were funding any such program.

Anyhow, since I see religious riots on the horizon and in my opinion there is no way we can stop them, so, I thought we’d rather start talking about setting some regulations surrounding them.

People who wish to fight over killing cows and buffaloes should be allowed to do so. This is a free country, after all. My only concern is that such riots must not include people who want nothing to do with this trivial issue.

Keeping that in mind, I think:

Firstly, we must demarcate a particular area and time in towns across the country where the riots are allowed to take place. Flyers should be issued by the police stating, “Come one, come all! Massacre Hindus, Muslims, Christians, anyone you want! No offence shall be taken by any side.”

Secondly, jerseys should be provided to different sides of the argument. We would not want people to kill others who share the same point of view. That would be insane – the only insane thing in all of this.

Thirdly, the people who do show up, must be adequately armed. No one should be able to say that she or he was discriminated against based on her/his religion, caste, creed, or sex.

Fourthly, since the government cannot discriminate between sexes, killing of women would be encouraged. Children mustn’t be spared, as well. Rapes would be highly recommended.

Fifthly, the winner will only be declared only after no person with a different point of view survives.

Finally, the winners must be shot by the police as well, because they’re useless to a civilised society anyway.

I am sure I am missing a lot of key things. We must make sure that no loop-hole is left in this regulation. Also, I think state legislature across the countries must think about strictly implementing a better version of these guidelines.

PS: In case a moron (read a cow-vigilante, a religious nut-job) is reading this, know that this is written ironically. I think this is pretty easy to infer, but human stupidity is boundless. Clarifications, especially in the time we live, are absolutely essential.



Giveaway of my book – Quarter Life Crisis!

As a part of promotion before official release, I am organising a giveaway at Goodreads from April 22 to May 06.

I’m giving away 15 copies(Paperback edition). The giveaway is open to people in India.

What to do to enter the giveaway:

1. Go to this link

2. Register for a Goodreads account if you don’t have one. You can use your FB account, as well

3. Key in your mailing address

The winners are selected randomly. You will be informed by email if you win a free copy.

Culture of Low Self-Esteem

We, Indians, get offended way too soon.

We can’t have people mock our Gods, our religion, our prophets, our space program, and what’s more, we can’t have people say anything about our country, unless it is flattering.

Someone makes a joke and we look for our pitch forks. The CEO of Snapchat calls our country poor – which it is, to be fair – and lynching of Snapdeal starts. Why? Well the pitch fork has to go up someone’s ass, who cares what colour the ass is – white or brown?

First of all, someone claimed that Mr Spiegel said what he said, I don’t think that there is any undeniable proof of him doing it, anyway. Even if he did, so what he called our country poor? Does he not have a right to decide which country he wants to expand into? More importantly, is India a rich nation? I know that once our country was called “Sone ki Chidya“, but that bird has long flown away.

The users of Snapchat have every right to boycott the app, if they think that the comments made by Mr Spiegel were in anyway hurtful to their national sentiments. I am quoting this particular case just as an example of how harshly we react to trivial things.

Not that a joke cannot ever be in bad taste, but it is, after all, a joke – forget and move on.

Do we have such low self-esteem that we need to punish people who mock us? In my opinion, this stems from our desire to get validation from others – the west, primarily. A mission to mars is not an achievement enough for us, unless ISRO is praised by the media all over the world.

Get a sense of humour, my fellow citizens.