Being Fat : A Boon

Tired of listening to people telling you to lose weight? Are you tired of people quoting new scientific reasons to get slim everyday? If the answer is yes then read on. I, too like you, was tired of hearing these taunts. But instead of moping like every other fat person, I chose to educate this world about the benefits of being fat. Since I was tired of providing personal guidance to every self-righteous lean guy, I have decided to make these facts public for the good of rest of the inhabitants of this hell we call Earth.

1. You always get to eat what you want: This is one of the biggest advantages of being fat. Have you ever diverted your attention towards the diet of a lean person. They fear food. They fear they would become fat and thus avoid lord’s blessings in the form of cheese, butter, sugar etc. What good is your life if you can’t eat what you want? A fat man, on the other hand, can enjoy delicacies that a lean person can’t even think about smelling.

2. You get what you want: Imagine a situation. You are with your 5 friends and are enjoying a packet of biscuit with them. Suppose it only has 6 biscuits. Now even if each one of you get one there would be one biscuit left. Now here comes in the best part. If you are fat you can easily lean in and pick up the last biscuit. Sure your friends will taunt you, but at the end they would sympathize with you and think, “Let him eat, he needs it to run his normal body functions.”.

3. Get Unlimited attention: Obviously if you have a group of lean friends everyone will notice you. I mean, for example, look at the night sky. There are like 4000 stars visible from one hemisphere of the earth but you can’t really miss the moon. Imagine yourself walking into a bar or a restaurant and having everyone look at you. On an average you will turn heads of more ladies ,if you are fat, than your lean friend. Yes, you too can become a ladies man. All you need to do is to be yourself and eat more.

4. You automatically become the “Funny Guy”: Yeah that is true! If you are fat you automatically become the “funny guy” of the group. Everything you say or do will sound and look funny. What is better than having all the attention to yourself? How many comedians that you have seen are fat? The answer is: Almost all of them. Thus, being fat brings in money too.

5. Be spared of hard work: If you are the “lazy type” then you need not worry. Being  fat makes you the last person to be picked incase there is a task to be done. Because you are fat, people will expect you to have lower efficiency . So why work? Spend your day at work just doodling around and let the lean guy take the heat.

6. Push people around: If you are fat you can push people around. Break the queue. There would be two reasons no one would even think of fighting with you. Number one, let’s face it you are fat and they would think you are a bully because no one has any idea you too are just a normal guy who goes to bed with his arms wrapped around a teddy bear. And number two, because they would think, “Oh! The poor soul is trying his best to keep his fat ass to himself”.

I hope I have succeeded in changing your mindset towards yourself. So ask yourself this: Why be lean, rhyming with mean, if you can get to eat what you want, get unlimited attention, get rich, be the “funny guy”, be spared of hard work and easily push people around?

Keep Eating.



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